I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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