Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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