The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
babies were throwing up all over the place
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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