My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
