yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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