I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
