while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
