She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
