Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
