I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize