you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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