is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
