Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
