Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
