if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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