You made me cry and you don't even care
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
