I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Houston, we have a squirter
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
