I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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