you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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