TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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