If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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