I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
