She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
