Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
