You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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