And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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