I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found the puke drawer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
