NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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