You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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