i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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