My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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