you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
