Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
