And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
