Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
