did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
