I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
