I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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