I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You did what with his pubic hair?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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