I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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