he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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