Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
