Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dignity is for republicans.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
