Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he shaved USA in his pubs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
