I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
