I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
