shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
