"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
