Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
