Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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