I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
