My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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